Not waiting

I was thinking why don't i write things anymore. Why don't i keep track like i once did all the photographs and journaling and blogging. I haven't taken a real photo in like 2 years. I think well nothing is happening to journal or photo. But I once felt the need to photograph my shoes. Therefore that rational is b.s.
So anyway really it's just a return to being closed off to not sharing anything good or bad. To being sealed up clean and protected. Nothing visceral happening to push me off that cliff for i'm not a natural sharer type. No manic episodes. No depression. Nothing. Just sitting sealed up. Not even waiting. Everything is in order everything is clean so what am i waiting for nobodies here to make a mess.
Maybe that's why people have kids or pets or stay in relationships with people they despise.